


We Only Go Backwards

by EscapingReality51



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Blow Jobs, M/M, Regret, sex with the ex, the boys are broken up but can't resist each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 22:26:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12142443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EscapingReality51/pseuds/EscapingReality51
Summary: Sex with the ex.Aaron and Robert are broken up but seeing each other isn't always easy.





	We Only Go Backwards

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from Feels Like We Only Go Backwards by Tame Impala.

Aaron is sweating, breath heaving as he throws his fists forward against the punching bag in a rhythm Zac taught him only yesterday. Each punch reverberates up his arm, through his elbow and to his shoulder, vibrations absorbed by his body as he grows more used to them, as he throws more punches. He can feel the sweat trickling down the side of his face, feel the air against his sweat-soaked t-shirt cooling him down a fraction but with a final throw he pauses, lungs battling to take up enough oxygen.

He pulls the gloves off, first one hand and then the other before reaching for the bottle that stands on a table behind him. It is damp with condensation and the cool water is exactly what he needs to sate his thirst. That and a pint later.

The cap twists on easily and he is reaching for the gloves when he hears a slight knock on the door. His eyes look up and his stomach plummets.

“Robert,” he manages to say. His breaths are more even now, no longer as laboured and he is grateful for Robert’s timing. “What’re you doing here?”

Robert has his hands in his pockets, his shoulders drawn up to his ears. He is nervous. A small part of Aaron likes that he makes him so but he buries it, ignores the part of him that wishes Robert was smiling and wrapping his arms around him. They are supposed to be broken up, after all.

“I wanted to -” he begins, voice soft and caring and Aaron knows that voice. Robert clears his throat. “I wanted to apologise, for yesterday.”

Aaron crosses his arms over his chest, notices the way Robert’s eyes follow the movement, follow the curve of his muscles underneath his soaking t-shirt.

“Apologise for what?”

Robert takes a step closer, straightens his shoulders and draws himself up a bit. He is wearing a light blue shirt under that dark blue jacket, the one with the elbow patches. He looks exactly like he did on the day he proposed. Aaron swallows hard, looking at Robert’s eyes until they meet Aaron’s again.

“I know that we’re over… I’m always going to worry about you, but you’re not mine to worry about, not anymore. I know, and I -” Robert is continually taking small steps, bringing himself closer to Aaron and Aaron can’t help but reciprocate, drawn to him like never before. This is the Robert Aaron knows, the Robert Aaron loves, and he can’t just forget it despite everything that has happened. His hair looks a bit ruffled like he hasn’t had time to do it properly, his eyes have dark circles beneath them and Aaron hates knowing he isn’t coping well. At least Aaron is boxing to keep himself occupied.

“Right, so you came here and bothered me to tell me you won’t bother me anymore?”

Robert’s mouth draws up in a small smile, an involuntary acknowledgement of his own stupidity, his own inability to stay away. He nods, eyes still fixed on Aaron’s. Aaron takes his bottom lip between his teeth and looks away, has to make his eyes see something other than Robert’s eyes - it’s too much, they are too heated and laced with memories, that blue-green hue is seared into his brain.

“So, why did you think this was a good idea?”

Robert is close now, close enough to touch and Aaron hates that he is so tempted. His blood is pumping after that workout, thrumming with what he now knows is tension, high strung and exhilarating. His body is singing for release and maybe Robert can tell.

“We’re going to be seeing each other around the village, we work in the same office for christ’s sake. I just wanted to make sure we,” Robert takes a hand out of his pocket and points between the two of them, “could stand being in the same room together.”

Aaron frowns, nods, uncrosses his arms and it’s a fight to let them just hang by his side. They are itching for the heat of Robert’s skin, to grab his jacket and pull him close but he clenches his fist, keeps his arms steady. Breathing becomes hard but he can’t explain why.

Robert is tracing his face with his eyes, looking at him like he’s a starving man staring at a feast, desperation flitting across his features as if he is calculating how to get his teeth into it. Aaron remembers what it is like to have those teeth sink into him and he almost buckles under the pressure, almost reaches out and takes what he needs.

“Robert?” he asks and Robert’s eyes move up immediately to meet his.

“Yeah?” he practically whispers, voice deep and breathing shallow.

“What are you doing here?”

Robert looks at Aaron’s lips, looks back up. Aaron knows he shouldn’t want it, shouldn’t want him but it’s been so long since they touched, so long since anyone touched him and fuck does he miss it. Being with Robert was explosive in more ways than one, it was both of them taking as much as they could from the other, it was always so good and now Robert is right here and Aaron can smell his expensive aftershave and that sweet smell that is definitely Robert beneath it.

“I -” but before he can finish the sentence Aaron loses the fight, maybe even gives up. Seeing those lips move has him reaching out for Robert’s jacket, pulling him in and hungrily licking the words from his mouth, from his lips, from his slick and supple tongue that responds immediately. His arms grab onto Aaron’s body, finding purchase on his arm and on his neck to pull him closer. Robert pushes against him and Aaron pushes back, hands pushing Robert’s jacket off as he bites down on Robert’s lower lip and makes him moan into Aaron’s mouth.

Robert helps pull his jacket off and then finds the hem of Aaron’s t-shirt, hands moving underneath and finding the taut muscles of Aaron’s stomach, still damp with sweat. Robert holds on for dear life, clinging to Aaron’s hips before pressing himself against him and Aaron can feel Robert’s erection against his own. Their bodies are moving with the memory of past encounters, the memory of Robert’s lips infinitely inferior to the real thing, soft and demanding and kissing him with everything he has while he slips a hand beneath Aaron’s shorts and briefs and cups him, fingers running along his length and making Aaron’s knees weak.

Robert pulls away from Aaron’s mouth and Aaron chases him, wants him back where he was. Through lidded eyes he sees Robert on his knees, hands pulling his shorts down and then his boxers until there is nothing between them but air. Without any hesitation Robert swallows him, tongue sliding along the shaft, one hand on Aaron’s hip and the other gripping his arse to keep him steady.

“ _Fuck,_ ” is all Aaron can say before he is reduced to grunts and moans; they fall from his lips without control, spilling involuntarily. Robert’s mouth is working him quickly, sucking lightly on the tip before sliding back down, engulfing Aaron in heat and knowing it is Robert makes it all the more delicious. Aaron barely registers the sound of Robert zipping his own jeans and taking himself in his hand all the while he is working Aaron relentlessly, deliciously. It’s a miracle Aaron is still standing.

His orgasm punches the air from his lungs, has him gripping Robert’s hair as he swallows it all and if it weren’t for Robert’s hand on his hip he wouldn’t be standing. He doubles over, stomach touching Robert’s hair while the aftermath shudders through him. Robert pulls off and gives himself a few tugs before he spills his load on the floor of the barn, grunting and moaning and resting his head against Aaron’s hip.

Aaron’s hand finds Robert’s jaw, smiles at him before helping him up. They each tug their clothes back on but as soon as they are dressed Aaron pulls him in and tastes himself on Robert’s tongue. The kiss is slow, languid, draws the moment out and tries to make it last an infinity. Aaron doesn’t want this to end; when it does, so does the warmth blossoming in his chest. Robert is the one to pull away and Aaron lets him. He has to.

Their eyes meet and Aaron wants it, wants the life with Robert, the house and the family and the dog, wants to wake up with him every morning and go to bed with him every night. But the child isn’t theirs, and Aaron can’t go through the next many years going mad with jealousy, with anger. He doesn’t want to go through life hating his husband.

With that, Aaron is returned to the quiet of the barn, the sound of birds singing outside. The realisation of what just happened and what it means slams into him. He takes a deep breath.

“That was…” Robert begins, eyes searching Aaron’s face for a reply.

“A mistake,” Aaron finishes.

Robert’s face falls, his mouth slack as he takes in Aaron’s meaning. It hurts, seeing him like this makes Aaron’s heart ache but they can’t go back to what they were and that hurts even more - the knowledge that Robert has his whole life ahead of him and Aaron won’t be in it almost makes his stomach turn. He takes a deep breath and tries to remember what it was like to have a semblance of control over the situation.

“But,” Robert begins and Aaron turns around to take the gloves off the table. Robert is silent behind him but Aaron can feel his dejection hanging in the air, thick and suffocating.

“We can’t, Robert.”

“Why?” Robert pleads.

Aaron turns around and faces him. He takes a deep breath.

“I need to not do this, I need to take care of myself… I need to get back to my work out.”

Robert stuffs his hands back in his pockets, nods once and meets Aaron’s eye one final time.

“Fine.”

Aaron doesn’t reply, doesn’t know what to say and Robert stares at him until he realises he won’t get another word from him. Aaron watches him turn around, watches him walk away and as soon as he is out of the door, he throws a punch, relishing the numbing pain that shoots up his arm, the slight ache in his knuckles at the gloveless contact with the hard leather bag.

He lets out a deep breath, flexes his hand, and puts the gloves back on.

He falls back into the rhythm of it easily, left-right-left, until his mind clearing. His body, however, remembers the heat from Robert’s fingers, his mouth. He punches harder this time, willing his skin to forget but being sweat-soaked and breathing hard is just making the memory all the more vivid. Maybe his body doesn’t want to forget, and after what just happened, he can’t blame himself for wanting to remember.

**Author's Note:**

> any comments and kudos are much appreciated.
> 
> come and say hi on tumblr [esacpingreality51](https://escapingreality51.tumblr.com/)


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